Tuesday, 11 August 2015

Oh God I want a windsurfer, Don't Answer Me No

I expect the topic of how the authors of the Bible had no idea whatsoever of what the 21st century would be like is too obvious and has been covered too many times to include in a book but there could have been a chapter in "How to defend the Christian faith: from Jesus failure to identify any 21st century technology"
How come if Jesus was standing on the shores of the Sea of Galilee that he didn't miraculously prophecy something unknowable like, "One day people will windsurf across this lake with a sail made from a plastic called monofilm surrounded by Kevlar, a mast made of carbon fibre & a board of polystyrene & wood core with carbon fibre shell and they shall sail like a bat out of hell. Oh God why must I have been born 21 centuries too soon, if it be thy will magically create a Neil Pryde rig with Fanatic board, but not my will but thine be done.....No ? Why is it always fucking no. God damn" followed by a flash of lightning and Jesus disappearing in a cloud of smoke with the booming voice from the sky, "You wanted carbon you got toasted"
N.B the word, "fucking" mentioned in the preceding dialogue is not gratuitous swearing but rather an acronym for: 
"Frustration, Unhappiness, Crossness, Kvetching"
Also "DAMN" is an acronym for, "Don't Answer Me No"
For a vision of the future See Youtube video :
Israel - Extreme WindSurfing - Beach Tour - Sea Of Galilee - Round #4 on Gil Ziny channel

Tuesday, 4 August 2015

Swear words as acronyms

What if swear words were actually thought of as acronyms so that the letters of each word stood for something else, the meaning of the swear word would be largely changed then there would be less need to worry about saying it ?

For example
SUGAR = Swearing Unnecessarily Grieves Aging Relatives
     or          Swearing Usually Grieves All Religious

DAMN  ( For office related situations ) = Didn't Amend My Notes
                                                                   = Didn't Attend Meeting; Necessary
                                                                    = Don't Approach Me Now
                                                                     = Didn't Approve, Moaning Noise
                                                                   = Dismay Anger Misery Nuisance
                                                                  = Distressingly Angry Miserable Noise

SHIT = Swearing Habitually Inhibits Thought
          = Sorry Have Irate Thoughts
          = Sorry Have Intestinal Troubles
           = Smelly House, Initially Toilet
          = Severely Hateful Illegal Thesis
           = Scorching Hot Ibizan Temperatures
           = Some Heat Immediately Thanks
          = She has irritable temperament
          = Should Have Insured Treasures
          = Some Have It Tough
           = Some Have Inflationary Troubles
           = Some Help Immediately Thanks
           = Sound Horn In Trouble
           = Shot Hind In Thigh
           = Skived Home, In Trouble
           = Sent Home, In Trouble
            = Sneaked Home Illegally, Truanting
            =Some How Its True
            = Should Have Investigated Thoroughly
           = Sex Hardly Is Terrific
           = Secure Help If Threatened
           = Secure Hold If Threatened
            = Shoot Harpoon If Threatened
           = Should Have Incinerated Trash
           = Some How I Tripped
            = Severely Harassed, Internet Troubles
            = Should Have Ignored Testaments
            = Should Have Investigated Testaments
             = She Has Intolerant Theology
            = Sounds Horrible, Investigate Tuner

SHIT HOT = She Has Irresistible Tits, Hot

FUCK ( while windsurfing ) = Fallen Under Capsized Keeled
            ( while struggling to clear sail to waterstart ) = Frustrating Under Currents Knut
             ( while watching motor racing ) = Failed Unexpectedly Crashed Killed
                                                                     Failed Useless Conked Kinked
             ( failing to be on the ball ) =  Forgotten Unfortunately, Cursing, Kopfschmertzen
             ( On dropping something ) = Fallen  Unfortunately Cracked Knackered
                                                             Fallen Unhappily Crashed Konked
              (general displeasure) = Frustration Unhappiness Consternation Kvetching
              ( tummy upset ) = Farting Uncontrollably Crappy Knickers
              ( gastronomic ) = Foods Unacceptable; Chili, Korma
                                            Foods Unacceptable; Calabrese, Kohlrabi
                                             Fish Unacceptable; Cod, Kippers
                                              Fish, Urchins, Cod, Kippers
              ( marriage )       = Female Unacceptable; Caty, Katy
                                         =Female Unwed, Condition Knocked (up)
                                         = Focus Unbalanced Calamity Knells / Knocks
             ( science fiction ) = Far Universe Comes Knocking
                                              Futuristic Unworldly Comes Knocking
             (When Castle Door Broken Down During Seige ) = Failed Under Colossal Knocking
                                            = Fallen Under Charging Knights
                                            = Fainted Under Charming King
Lebian rejection of Male proposal= Fellatio Unwelcome, Clitoris Kissed

GOD = Grief Over Disaster
              Grief Over Distress
               Gloom Over Depression
               Gloom Over Dismay / Diappointment

FLAMES = Fuming Lamentation Anger Muttering Expletives Stress

CRAP = Criticism Rage Annoyance Petulance

PISS = Passionate Irate Swearing Severely
             Passionate Irate Scold Swear
             Please Insist Swearing Stops
              Please Inhibit Sweary Sentences
            Petulantly Insist Swearing Stops

CHRIST = Cursing Habitually Really Isn't Socially Tolerable
                    Cursing Habitually Really Impairs Sensible Thought
                  Cursing Habitually Really Isn't Satisfactory Though
                   Cursing Horribly, Raging Interminably, Swearing Trooperishly


HELL = Horrible Expletives Loud Lamentations
            = Hateful, Extreme, Livid, Lyrics
            ( On way to airport realizing you forgot a bag )= "Hold Everything, Left Luggage"
            ( In arrivals not finding bags ) = "Help Essential Lost Luggage"
             ( On witnessing fatality ) =" Has Expired, Lost Life "
            ( Medical ) Have Encephalitis, Lost Lucidity

JESUS = Just Extremely Silly Unverified Superstitions

MALFUNCTION = Making A Living From Untrue Nonsensical Cruel Theological Idiotic Objectionable Notions

THINK = That Honestly Is Not Known

WOHA = Watch Out Hot Aga

SWAT = Son Whacked And Thumped

SHAT = Summer Has Arrived Thankfully

SHOT= Steak Has Overcooked Terribly

SHUT = Skived Home Until Two


Mother returns home and sees Son there during school hours
Mother: SHIT = Sneaked Home Illegally, Truanting ?!
Son      : NO SHIT = Sent Home In Trouble
Father : SHIT = Surely He Is Trustworthy
Mother: NO SHIT = Some How Its True
Father: SHIT = Suspend His Internet Time
Mother: NO SHIT = Son Has Incoherent Tantrum
Father:  SHIT = Some How I'll Teach (him)
Mother : NO SHIT = Son Has Intellectual Troubles
Father: SHIT = So Have It Then

Monday, 27 July 2015

On Voicing emotions

Some people use the word fuck like its an apostrophe
but I wonder if it could be an acronym where C stands for catastrophe
or maybe C is for Cross
Like when U is Unhappy over a loss
K could be for Kopfschmertzen or Kvetching
Like when you have a Flaming sore head and you're Fuming
Or maybe F is for Frustration when your wife acts Frigid and Unloving
her Cunt is off limits and you feel like Killing
Or maybe afterall F is for Feminine Underwear Coture Kicking
Or Female, Fanny, Underparts, Urethra, Clitoris, Caress, Kissing, Knackered
Fizzing, Forgotten, Umbridge, Crying, Crackling, Crazed, knocked

Saturday, 25 July 2015

Great guitarist Ethan Meixsell & great writer John W. Loftus

I've been listening to the best tracks of guitarist Ethan Meixsell on Youtube, the titles remind me of the writings of John Loftus:
"Thor's hammer"- In Old Norse it is called Mjölnir which means "That which marks and pulverizes to dust", which is what John Loftus' writings do to the scriptures
"Taking a beating" - which is what the Bible has had from WIBA
"The coming storm" - John aims to take the battle to them
"Gut check" aka "The outsider test of faith"
"Collision" between atheism and superstition
"Rise" of science
"In the shadow" of Christianity which is where many readers of Debunking Christianity started out from.
"Rabid" aka the blind Christiain apologist
"Battle ground" eg "The End of Christianity"
"Fight of Flight"; is the apologist really fighting to defend Christianity or are they on the run driven by the fear of an imagined hell
"Driven to madness" - the madness of religious delusion
"The fiery furnace" - is it real or really just mental abuse ?
"Heavyweight"- The books of John Loftus, of course
"Sea of sand" - the shifting sands of scripture, the Christian sees a sea of water but it is only a mirage'
"Angel of mercy" those who have contributed to John's anthologies
"Vindicated" which is what the skeptical view has been from higher criticism of the Bible and science etc
"Double Helix" - how come no character in the Bible has the faintest idea about the double helix, DNA etc
"Demilitarized zone" - which we might get if religious people around the world read & understood John's books
"Start your engines" by reading John's books
"Take off" - escape the swamp of religion
"March on" - don't let the witch doctors get you down
"Granite" - evidenced based thinking & decision making. I came across a link to Carl Sagan's "The varieties of scientific experience, a personal view of the search for God" in Jerry A. Coyne's book, "Faith Vs Fact, why science and religion are incompatible"
"Dead reckoning" - "Faith Vs Fact"
"Thanatopsis" comes from the Greek thanatos ("death") and opsis ("sight") - John takes a thorough look at what probably happens when people die.

Friday, 29 May 2015

Windsurfing Parody on The Happy Wanderer

I love to go windsurfing upon the ocean blue
But if you do not fancy it then that it up to you
up to you, up to you, up to you, up to you hoo you hoo you hoo
up to you but I'm going and I hope you will come too

I love to go windsurfing when it is blowing force 5
but when it is only blowing force 2 then that makes me feel blue
makes me feel blue, i feel blue, makes me feel blue, I feel blu hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
I feel blue, I feel blue when it is only blowing force 2

I love to go windsurfing when it is blowing force 5
but when it blows force 7 I fear I'm going to die
going to die, going to die, going to die, going to die, die, die, die, die, die, die
going to die, going to die, I hope this won't be bye bye.

Monday, 18 May 2015

Look more deeply into the Bible stories and you will see a different story.

Dr Holly Ordway mentions C.S.Lewis at 2:00 and on another video I have heard her saying the character Aslan helped persuade her to accept the idea of Jesus  being an incarnate Son of God. I like the bit of, "The Lion the Witch and the wardrobe" where C.S.Lewis has Aslan come back to life due to "deeper magic from before the dawn of time "  that  Jadis the White Witch had not known of. If Jadis had  looked more deeply into the writings on the stone table  she would have noticed that if an innocent was killed in place of a traitor then the spell would be broken. 
    Many scholars, historians, archaeologists etc have studied the Bible stories as deeply and honestly as anyone  else and noticed many errors and contradictions. This shows that the majority of the human race is in reality not doomed to eternal suffering as some varieties of Christianity and other religions would assert, so we do not need to live in the icy grip of fear of God's judgement and are free to try to care for & help one another & make the best of our time under the sun.

 I recommend the books of Bible Geek Robert M. Price, John 
W. Loftus, Valerie Tarico, Victor J. Stenger, C. Denis McKinsey. They point out that there are no O.T prophecies which give a detailed description of Jesus. The old and new testaments are at odds. Jesus failed to notice that the idea of hell is incompatible with the Golden Rule. Jesus would need to have saved everyone from a hell, not just picked a chosen few. To completely abolish hell would have reduced the total suffering experienced by the human race by maybe 95% but to let most go to a hell would mean that Jesus had done no more than put a sticking plaster on the suffering we have experienced .

The idea of hell is incompatible with the Golden Rule

I was brought up going to church. I have heard most of the views about the Bible. My conclusion is that the idea of hell is incompatible with the Golden Rule. The idea of a perfect, loving God is incompatible with the idea of hell. If a perfect God had practiced due diligence then hell would not have come into existence. If Jesus had won the victory over a hell then to be a hero he would have needed to save everyone or change the game plan so that it was a choice of heaven or extinction. If you have to do to others as you would have them do to you then since no one would wish to go to an eternal torture then you could not agree to send someone else to hell. A caring God would have had a duty of care to prevent anyone becoming liable for hell. With so many habitable planets in the universe it would have been easy to wipe out Earth as soon as a hell came into existence and start again on another planet. For God so loved the world that he not only allowed suffering in this world but also sent most to eternal suffering ? Doesn't really fit does it ? For God so loved the world that he erased hell so that at least when people died they could rest in peace; sounds better.